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lecterings:

'where is the pen i was using like 3 seconds ago' an autobiography i'll never write because i keep losing the pen i was using like 3 seconds ago.

parasiticteddybear:

when you hear someone mention something youre obsessed with

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disowns:

honestly i hate when people try to sugar coat shit like if you don’t like me or don’t wanna hang or don’t wanna talk to me just fucking tell me don’t keep ignoring me and expect me to figure out the hint like that’s such a bitch ass move i’d rather hear it from you than be ignored 99% of the fucking time.

msjewbooty:

[first date voice] so tell me about your weather hobbies. fuck i mean, tell me the weather. no that’s not what i meant i was trying to say what are your hobbies. wonderful weather we’re hobbing. having. fuck

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verysmalldeer:

nevecampbell:

I just wanna s*** some d***

HOW MANY DOGS ARE YOU LOOKING TO SELL

missingeharmony:

heybrittini:

judgehatchett:

no one’s an atheist 30 seconds before an orgasm

OH MY FUCKING GOD

that’s the spirit